Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
