I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
