Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i think i have two assholes
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
