I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
