The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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