and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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