shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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