my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
