good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do vagina's smell?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
