I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize