Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
