Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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