He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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