Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
