that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
