is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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