He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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