My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
