Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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