how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
