this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
