you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize