I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
