you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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