btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
