my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
