You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
