So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
