im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
