College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dicks are not precious.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
