If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
