i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
