i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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