He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
