we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize