In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i dont even know how to be here
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
