I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
