So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
