some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
