i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
