Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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