We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize