Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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