Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
