I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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