I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
