respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
