So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just pee around me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize