Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
