That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
