i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
