I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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