I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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