Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
