he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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