Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
