I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
