I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
