i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
