question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
