just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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