I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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