Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
