i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
