Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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