were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
