I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
