everyone is single if you try hard enough
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
